What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 09:39
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do men find women with bigger buttocks attractive?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When sharing a wife, is it best with your buddy or a stranger?
She was in good health!
I have no regrets .
Im still living with it.
How do I identify fake friends in life?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
What is the difference between anxiety and depressive neurosis?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Is it recommended to leave a note in a lost wallet asking for it to be returned?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I want to have anal sex, but my wife refuses. What do I do?
I was seconnd youngest,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Would this be the day?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Was to survive, this bastard.
What is a fun psychological trick to try on someone?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I waited trembling.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ive learnt so much.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She wouldn,t have been !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But, we were locked up after school.
All the time i was locked up.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Comes on , in middle age.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I will be 64.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I know ,a lot about trauma.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My family never makes their pension either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He knew the spot.
My life is so biszare .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Put me off passion for life!!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We were not on the streets..
I was very sick at this time too.
This is soul school!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So whats the point in blame.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I don,t even have a pension.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Who then, do I blame.?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i lived it daily.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was scared of men, in general
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She married twice! .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I said to her
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What did i know ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why did i forgive my father ?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She loved him until the end.
As i do to all so called friends.?
One cannot live in the past .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She found it foreign!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But it wasn’t much.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I write beautiful poetry .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I think the readers, may guess!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I could never make a relationship work though!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We all went to grammer schools
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.